I'm Not Perfect

I'm not perfect.  I'm not happy.  I struggle everyday to smile like I used to, but no one sees it.  They don't care to see it.  I'm tired of being treated like I can feel no pain.  I'm tired of being brushed off when I reach out.  I can't always be a little happiness pixie, spreading cheer and joy to all those around me.  I'd love to be.  I'd give anything to be.  But I'm -not.-  It's like people think that when I act ridiculous and off-the-wall it's because I don't have a care in the world.  Guess what?  It's the exact opposite. It couldn't be farther from the truth.  I'm hurting so badly inside there are times I wonder why I'm even breathing.
I don't need pity.  I don't need someone to magically make it all better.  I just want someone to give a shit.  I will bend over backwards for people when they need me and all I want is for someone to do that for me for a change.  I don't want to have to ask someone to be there.  I want them to just be there like I am for the people I love.  To just -know- when I feel like crap and want to make it better.
I guess in that respect I'm an unrealistic dreamer.  I'm sorry I'm not perfect.  I'm sorry that I have bad days, too, and can't always be your personal little cheer up bunny.  I'm sorry you treat me like I've failed you when I don't shove my own problems away like always and focus only on you.  I'm sorry you can't see that my smile hasn't been real for a long time and I'm sorry you couldn't care less about that.
I can only handle so much.  I'm not perfect.