[He looked up at the clouds. After a moment, he rubbed his
eyes and squinted back up at the sky. The clouds had played a trick on him. The
way they were formed made him think he’d seen her face again.] Anna… [It had
been a long time since the last time he’d thought about her. He was seventeen
when they met. She was fourteen. Hannibal
was staggering home with a broken nose, black eye, and split lip when she
spotted him. “What happened?!” she asked with concern. Hannibal waved her away saying, “It’s
nothing. I’m used to it.” “You shouldn’t have to be used to something like
this. Come with me.” Before he could protest, the girl had grabbed his hand and
was dragging him to her home. Inside,
she sat him down on the toilet seat and brought out a large first aide kit to
dress his wounds. She was very gentle about it, taking care to cause him as
little pain as possible. Hannibal
was grateful, but he wanted to leave as quickly as possible. Nothing good ever
came from him befriending a girl. Take earlier that day for example. In his
English class he had made friends with the girl who sat behind him. He thought
they were just friends and that she didn’t like him any other way, but such was
never his luck. She ended up breaking up with her boyfriend because she claimed
she had fallen in love with Hannibal.
Well, her (ex-)boyfriend was none too happy about that and gathered his buddies
to go look for Hannibal.
It was five against one, but Hannibal
managed to beat them all in the end. Hannibal
never meant to cause couples to break up, but it always happened anyway. Even
when he desperately ignored some girls, it still happened. That’s why, when
Anna finished cleaning him up, he ran out of the house as fast as he possibly
could.]
[Days passed before he saw her again. Hannibal was out looking for a job when he
bumped into her outside an ice cream shop. “It’s you!” she exclaimed with a
smile. Tired of walking around, Hannibal
sat on the curb beside her and thanked her properly for her help. Anna
inspected his wounds and said she was happy to see they’d been healing well.
They ended up talking for hours before Hannibal
realized he had to be heading home. He walked Anna back to her house and said
goodnight before quickly leaving.] If I’d known then… I never would have left
her side. [The next day, Hannibal
returned to the same ice cream shop and got a job there. A week later, Anna
came by. She was delighted to see him there and stayed until his shift was
over, talking to him the entire time. They talked about everything and even
though they didn’t agree on everything, they had more in common with each other
than they’d ever had in common with anyone before. Soon, Hannibal found out that Anna came by every
day just in case he was scheduled to work that day. Not wanting to embarrass
her, he found a way to tell her his schedule without letting her know he’d
found out. They quickly grew close. Anna started to bring in her homework and Hannibal became her
exclusive tutor. Hannibal
had never been happier. It didn’t matter that he would still get caught up in
fights because he knew Anna’d be there to clean him up.]
[A year later, Hannibal
went to a college nearby so he could continue to work at the ice cream shop and
spend time with Anna. One day, after Hannibal
had gotten an A+ on his term paper, he went to work excitedly, eager to tell
Anna and get her praise. He watched the clock as minutes ticked by. An hour
passed, but his smile was still there. Two hours passed and it began to fade.
Three hours passed and he was frowning. By the end of his shift his expression
was a mixture of a scowl and worry. Why hadn’t Anna come? Anna always came.
Ever since he’d started working there, she had never missed a day. What
happened? Why wasn’t she there? Anna didn’t come until three days later. When Hannibal asked her why,
she said she’d gone on a spontaneous trip with her mom and didn’t have the time
to tell him. Not entirely convinced, but not wishing to push her if there was
something she didn’t want to talk about, Hannibal
accepted this explanation and moved on. A few days passed and Hannibal began to notice that Anna’s
complexion was getting steadily paler. He told her to go home if she wasn’t
feeling well and she shouted, “I’m staying right here!” before covering her
mouth and apologizing. Hannibal
watched her with concern. The next day, Anna’s mother stopped by. She asked Hannibal to stop being so
inconsiderate. When he said he had no idea what she was talking about, she
apologized and told him that Anna had cancer. She explained that Anna had
always been a weak child and that a few months ago the doctors diagnosed her.
They said she had less than a year left.]
[Weeks later, Anna was sent to the hospital again. This
time, her mother called Hannibal
right away just as he’d asked her to. He ran out of the middle of his
macroeconomics class and all the way to the hospital. Chest burning, sweat
plastering his hair to his head and his shirt to his torso, he reached her
room. Anna was in an induced sleep when he got there. He collapsed to his knees
at her bedside, grabbed her hand in both of his and prayed. Never had he prayed
before, but he prayed then. He prayed then and he prayed for her. He prayed for
her and he prayed hard. Although it was against hospital rules, a little
flirting got him the privilege to stay by her throughout the night. Hannibal refused all the
food and drink the offered him. All he could do was keep his eyes on Anna,
waiting for her to wake up. Anna’s mother watched him, feeling terrible about
how she had treated him before. Two days passed before Anna woke up. Hannibal leapt to his
feet and quickly asked her if she was hurting anywhere, if she needed anything,
if she was thirsty. She began to cry. Hannibal
asked her again if she was hurting and she shook her head. She hadn’t wanted
him to see her like that. The pained look on his face hurt her more than any
treatment she’d gotten. Hannibal
held her close and spoke softly to her until she stopped crying and fell asleep
again.]
[A month passed and Anna still wasn’t healthy enough to be
discharged, although they did allow Hannibal
to take her outside in a wheelchair from time to time so she could enjoy some
fresh air. Hannibal
started to skip more and more of his classes in order to spend time with her.
His teachers warned him that he wouldn’t have enough credits to move on to the
next year but he ignored them. Nothing was more important than Anna. They would
sit under an old oak tree and stare up at the clouds. Anna would point out ones
with funny shapes and smile. Hannibal’s
heart beat more painfully each time he saw her smile because each time he would
think, “Is this the last?” Before they knew it, a year had passed since Anna
had been diagnosed. Hannibal
tried to not get his hopes up, but it happened anyway. After a while, the color
began to return to her cheeks and he grew more and more hopeful. After her
sixteenth birthday, Anna was allowed to go home. Hannibal made a huge celebration out of it.
He decorated her entire house, with her mother’s help of course. It was a
splendid night. Anna took Hannibal
out to the backyard to look at the stars. “Hannibal, why does everyone else call you by
your last name?” He looked at her and shrugged. “I guess they don’t like my
first name.” “Well I like it.” She smiled. “Let me be the only one then. Until
you find love, let it only ever be me who called you Hannibal.” Hannibal missed the
significance of her verb tense and nodded while smiling back at her. That
night, he said goodnight to her and left the house thinking about how he would
ask her to be his girlfriend. He never would have guessed, feeling so high
above the clouds on happiness, how terrible the crash back to earth would be.
It crushed him. It absolutely crushed him the next morning when Anna’s mother
called, her voice watery from the tears that streamed down her cheeks, and told
him that Anna had passed away in the night.]
[After that, Hannibal
stopped going to classes altogether. He couldn’t see the point. No matter what
he did, he couldn’t help Anna. After all the times she’d helped him, he couldn’t
save her. He quickly became a heavy drinker. He went to parties every night. He
flirted with the worst women. He was punishing himself. He’d failed Anna and he
didn’t deserve happiness. Years passed and his life was as empty as ever. On
Anna’s birthday he couldn’t stand the memories and went drinking at a club
nearby. That’s where he met Danica.] And I thought my life was fucked up before
I met her. [He looked at his hands and thought about the blood that still
stained them.] If you knew what I’ve done, even someone like you, Anna, would
hate me. [He hung his head and let the tears fall.]
