Right Now

Right now, I just kinda really hate myself. I don't want to be me. I'm not feeling being alive. I want to lie in bed until I waste away to nothing.
I don't see the point. I honestly don't. There's nothing I do that someone else can't or doesn't. I can be replaced really easily. I can be forgotten really easily. So what's the point in my even being here? I don't get it. I'm useless. My friends are hurting and struggling, but I can't do a single fucking thing for them. I yell and scream until I can't move, but nothing changes. I might as well not exist.
I hate being forgotten. It scares me. I feel like I'm being told that I'm annoying and then want to apologize profusely, but I know that would just be even more annoying. If you don't want me to bother you, just say so. I'll do it. I'll leave you alone. You'll never have to suffer my presence again.
Lately, it just feels like all I ever do is dive into sudden depression over the smallest things and I hate bringing people down. It just makes me hate myself more. I know I sound like a broken record, but it's true and it hasn't gotten any better. I tell myself to stop it and to not let such small things get to me so badly, but I can't do it. No matter how hard I try those things still make me feel like I'm being stabbed in the heart. I become a worthless fucking sack of absolute shit and I hate that, but there's nothing I can do to change it.
To those of you that know me and know what I'm talking about, I am so so sorry. I don't know what else to do but apologize. You don't deserve my shitty ass ruining your good time and for that I could not be more sorry. That's why I'm taking a break from Twitter. Please, don't ask me what's wrong or try to tell me that I'm being ridiculous for thinking this way. You're all better people than I am so I know you'll try to comfort me and everything, but I'm not stupid. I know how I've been acting and I know it's annoying as fuck. I just hope you can forgive me for all of this. I don't know how long I'll be away. I'm sorry if this upsets anyone, but I'm tired of going from a bouncing ball of happiness to a piece of crap in no time flat. I'm tired of being a shitty friend. I love you guys. I'm really sorry.